De plane, de plane

For those of you old enough to remember, that was a catchphrase from the opening titles of the old TV series Fantasy Island. It ran from 1977 until 1984 and starred Ricardo Montalban as the mysterious Mr. Roarke and Herve Villechaize as his diminutive assistant Tattoo. At the beginning of each episode, Tattoo would yell “De plane, de plane” to announce the arrival of an aircraft to the island. 

I had truly hoped that I would be spared the task of writing about “de plane” that is being prominently flashed over daily news and social media. I am speaking of course of the Boeing 747-8 being “gifted” to Donald Trump by the Qatari royal family. 

Yes, yes, the paperwork shows that it has been transferred from Qatar to the United States Airforce, but every school child knows that it is gift from the monarchy to our monarch wanna be. 

I naively thought that after a cacophony of opposition from Republicans, Democrats, Independents, constitutional scholars, opinion leaders, and social media, this was a flash in the pan. Yes, the president wanted this shiny thing, but some adult in the room had surely stepped up and put an end to this very bad idea. 

But this soon to be 79-year-old manchild had his stony heart set on it, and well, you know the rest. Untethered, unchecked, unprotected from his own self-destructive devices, he ignored all the obvious reasons not to accept the bribe. Like a kid throwing an epic tantrum in the grocery store aisle, he got his Cocoa Puffs. Or should I say “we” got the cereal and the bill for one billion dollars for a retrofit. Some prize in the box that turned out to be. 

Of all the ridiculous things Trump has done since January 20 (a mere 125 days ago), this is not just another small turd in the punchbowl. This landed like the entire Arkansas 4H Club Platform Diving Team hitting the surface at once.  

Let's run through some inconvenient facts. 

The plane has been for sale for 13 years. Yes, since 2012. During those 4,745 days not one rich individual, country, or corporation has made an offer on this gaudy white elephant. What does that tell you? 

If it was a house, would “On market for 156 months” make you suspect that radium, the San Andreus Fault, sink holes, or gardening by a serial killer was getting in the way of a final sale? Hmmmm? Would it? 

It is no wonder they finally decided to give it away. 

And just when that seemed to be a good idea, a man with a gold toilet, gilded dreams, and the taste of Liberace comes to town in a 35-year-old airplane. Viola. Goober arriving on runway 3. 

The bribery associated with this gift is evident and I won’t bore you with the constitutional violation associated with the emoluments clause found in Article I, Section 9, Clause 8. There will be lawsuits galore to entertain you in the months and years ahead. 

But here are three brief final thoughts as I leave you. 

First, Chief of Staff Susie Wiles is a complete and utter disappointment. She was going to be the Trump Whisperer. She was going to be the adult in the room who could talk him out of ridiculous moves. Well, she has been an utter and complete failure, and I hope she gets put in the same jail cell as Trump one fine day. 

Second, if by some miracle, Trump is successful in pulling this off, what will every nation in the world say when the new Air Force One lands in their country? Here comes the bribe. Here comes Qatari One. Here comes the audacious flying fortress of graft and bad taste. One more blow to America’s image in the world. 

Finally, the plan to transfer this abominable Trojan equine to the Trump Presidential Library Foundation, is the final insult to the American people. Tax free transportation for generations of little Trumpets makes me want to puke. And who will be paying the millions of dollars of annual operating cost for Air Harem? You and I when his friends pick up the tab and write it off as a contribution to the foundation. 

I continue to try to channel James Carville and let the fool overreach himself into oblivion. But it gets harder every day. While it is entertaining to watch a dumpster fire, I don’t know how much more smoke I can take.