Trump Library : A Short History

Predictably, it seems that history is about to repeat itself. 

It is August 15, 2032, and the forecast is bleak. 

In the last 72 hours a category 5 hurricane of increasing strength has formed and is aimed directly at Miami, Florida. 

Hurricane Melania is the sixth named storm of the 2032 hurricane season and like Andrew forty years before, this one looks like a history maker for southern Florida. 

The memory care team at Mar-a-Lago is debating whether to inform the former President of the severity of the threat. He has already had a bad week, totally convinced that James Comey is following him around the estate and that his toilet is clogged with bitcoins. 

Meanwhile at the Trump Presidential Library on Biscayne Boulevard in Miami, Director Eric Trump is meeting with staff members to decide a course of action. Should the empty records boxes and artifacts be moved to the luxury hotel rooms on higher floors or remain in place? Trucks loaded with sandbags have been arriving all morning. 

The National Archives had advised against building a presidential library at ground zero of rising sea levels and deadly storms, but climate change deniers carried the day. In addition, former Acting Archivist of the United States, Marco Rubio (I’m not kidding, you can look this up) insisted that this was the right location.  

The high-rise library/hotel combination was built adjacent to Freedom Tower. Proximity to the Tower, was especially important to Rubio. It is considered the Ellis Island of the South for its role is processing Cuban refugees fleeing the Castro regime in the 1960’s and 70’s. While Rubio’s parents came to Florida during the Battista era, his maternal grandfather fled Castro in 1962 and was retained temporarily as an illegal alien. Ironically, Secretary of State Rubio ignored his heritage to enable President Trump’s violent deportation policies all in the hopes of future political support. As many learned before him, loyalty is a one-way street for Donald Trump and Rubio was not endorsed for President in 2028. 

As the storm bore down on Miami, Eric Trump had reached out to former Vice President JD Vance for assistance from the newly reconstituted Federal Emergency Management Agency, but they weren’t returning JD’s calls. As a non-citizen Vance’s influence with any US agency is limited. 

You see, after the sweeping defeat of the Republican party in 2028 and the inauguration of President Newsom, Vance, Stephen Miller, Pam Bondi, and Kash Patel were convicted of treason and deported. President Trump was judged mentally incompetent to stand trial, so his attorneys negotiated an unusual plea deal with Attorney General Kamala Harris. Mar-a-Lago was taken over by the Federal Bureau of Prisons and Trump was detained there under permanent house arrest. Members of the resort were booted out without compensation, and the luxury accommodations were turned into temporary housing for immigrants and refugees. 

The decision has finally been made to move the museum artifacts and archives boxes to higher floors. The Florida National Guard is deployed to break down the presidential library exhibits and begin to place them on the library freight elevators.  

The Nobel Peace Prize at Any Cost exhibit, bales of hay from the Witch Hunt Maze, Trump National Putt-Putt (with large holes and small balls), and the Fanta Orange Make-Up Booth are crated and rolled down the hall. Thousands of used black Sharpies, and autographed mug shots are carefully boxed and numbered. The 18-carat, life-sized statue of Vladimir Putin is crated in the lobby and carefully lifted onto a hand truck. From the library gift shop, cases of Diet Coke, plastic Big Mac’s, blonde wigs, red ties, Big and Tall too-blue men’s suits, short fingered gloves, water sippy cups, and tape-on bone spurs with the presidential seal are labeled and placed on skids. 

Eric Trump personally supervises the stacking of empty presidential records boxes onto long carts. These empty boxes were flown to Mar-a-Lago on Inauguration Day and later transferred to the completed library. Having learned his lesson in the first term, Donald Trump had all presidential records trucked to a landfill in Loudon County, Virginia on election night 2027. Thousands of empty records boxes and blank hard drives were then carefully packed and driven to Joint Base Andrews on Inauguration Day and flown to Florida. The Air Force C-130 pilot commented on what amazing fuel mileage they got on the 920-mile trip. “The lightest load of presidential records in my experience”, he was heard to say. 

In compliance with a Miami-Dade County mandatory evacuation order, overnight guests of Trump Presidential Tower Hotel line up at the guest elevators. Many had clearly taken advantage of the combo ticket for Disney World Orlando and the Trump Library with kids in Mickey Mouse ears and adults in red MAGA Goofy Hats. 

Ironically, Hurricane Melania is going to make America great again by wiping the 20-story Trump library/hotel off the face of the Earth. Through the intentional destruction of records by the Trump staff and a category 5 act of God, all evidence of this sad chapter of America history will soon be gone. 

Karma is a wonderful thing.